This post had to start with a Churchill quote. After a couple of years in steady employment I find myself out on the streets again knocking on doors, bothering people in their offices and looking to convince them I’m worth my salt. The good news is that I can now “dump” a couple of supreme discoveries I have made over the last two years when dealing with my constitution. Even in gainful employment the rules remain the same. One could not visit the Thomas Crapper in the office (the loos were in open sight of the entire floor, it was too obvious who had left the smell and they were ‘unisex’) so the local hotels were well frequented and even in my greatest moment of desperation I still refused to call on the facilities of the local Pret or Eat. Now, I’m unemployed and highly active, and rediscovering the hidden gems of London.

The first hotel that deserves a mention is the Durrants Hotel on George Street in Marylebone. What makes this a superb spot is the fact that the Gentleman’s loos have built in speakers in the ceiling, filling the air with the sound of Winston’s voice. That’s right, sit on excellent dark wooden seats, in a very well furnished environment and listen away to the dulcet tones of our greatest Prime Minister steeling Parliament in preparations for war. It’s an authentically vinyl recording and as the crackling sound of the House of Commons ‘Hear-Hears’ the PM words you can rise from your seat, flush and feel inspired to head out to deal with your day.

As with all things in life, in order to achieve this moment of bathroom nirvana one needs to get past the hotel staff. Like bees, they are not willing to give up their treasure without serious defence – the type of defence that looks you up and down and measures you. Attitude is everything. Not arrogance but confidence. As with all things its the type of panelled wall and carpeted floor environment where manner are one’s shield of Hercules.

Stepping into the hotel one is immediately impressed by the classic English style. Checquered floor, brass furnishing, leather and dark wood are complimented by excellent lighting. There’s an inset concierge on the left and desk manned by two smartly dressed and highly engaging staff. If you’re not dressed smartly then you’re up against it. One man entered slightly in front of me wearing ripped jeans and the doorman ‘stared, like a lion who has come upon a body and full eagerly rips the hide with his strong claws…’ (Shield of Hercules-Hesiod). I used this distraction and entered. Looking to my right was a beautiful bar and restaurant area so I took the gamble and followed intuition down a corridor. After ten meters it opened out to a cosy but formal area, well lit with a couple of table full of smart crockery and tea sets. This is a good sign as it strongly validates the assumption that the WC is not in the restaurant area. A door on the lift is slightly open showing a room that is fit for an 18th Century drinking session. Dark bar, wood panelled, chesterfield armchairs and a small log fire crackling away. Continuing down the corridor for a couple more meters and there’s the door to the Gentlemen’s on the right hand side. Unfortunately its guarded but a smartly dressed waiter in a brown uniform. It’s temping to duck into the bar and chicken out but reliance on a smile, a good morning and an attitude that keeps one pushing on. Through the door; marble, brass wooden doors and joyful surprise of Churchill in the air. This was worth the risk.

The Durrants – Hotel: 9/10